Tuesday, March 20, 2007

For a while....For a while.

The dream is always the same: I’m late for school and I don’t have my homework I’ve missed so many classes that, barring a 180 degree change in my behavior, I won’t be allowed to graduate. I’m failing math, and my parents are at their wits’ end. I have no idea where I am going or what I’m going to do when I get there, but I want to get there as fast as I can.

Except, I graduated 7 years ago… I did okay, but I could have done better. I’ve done excellent at the collegiate level, and I’m married to a hottie. So, wtf do I still have nightmares of homeroom?! Does it have to do with the overwhelming stresses that compounded and erupted in that short period of time during my last semester of senior year? Are they feelings of regret?

I miss my friends, but I try to refrain from contacting them. They have their liberties, their own concerns, choices that they need to make. We all have our own capabilities and limitations that have been borne of the consequences of our previous actions and subsequent choices. I keep setting goals for myself within seemingly unrealistic time limits, but still, more often than not, I succeed. Is it because I fuddled around during my high school years? I lacked direction or ambition then, and now, perhaps, I’m trying to overcompensate for those unproductive days. Or perhaps, I didn’t have enough unproductive days, and these feelings are the longings for more screwing-aroundedness.

Dr. Oatman? Pick up, I know you’re there…


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